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Friday, 04 September 2009

I Changed My Mind

By now I've realized my life is far from perfect.

Imagine waking up around 2pm,checking your phone in hopes of a text from the certain someone(no luck),stumbling over to your mirror,and not being able to recognize the reflection as you.

Recently I realized this is how I've been living.

I put my all into relationships,and when they come to an end, I'm left with nothing but the shell of what I became. I bend and change to fit the guy's liking. I wish he's call me a little more often. I wish I wasn't afraid of losing him. Heck,even if he just sounded a little happier to talk to me I'd be love drunk on top of cloud nine.

I was convinced things could mend, but now I'm sure that this broken heart can only get worse if I stay with the one who hurt me.

I'm starring at the floor, every now and then glancing up to stare at the perfection in flesh,only to watch them roll their eyes and say something about what I'm talking about. The truth is I'm just trying to console a friend. The truth is I'm think I'd rather be anywhere but here. Fighting with the one I love.

I live by these words: "Fake a smile,laugh at his joke,and don't screw up. Don't cry until you hit the 'end call' button,suck it up, and do it all over again tomorrow.".

This has got to be unhealthy.

I've used up my "Oh my God no don't cry baby I love you!" passes, and now I just get "Oh my God,stop crying!". I'm no longer "perfect,adoreable,sweet,and caring", but "selfish,predictable,annoying,and clingy".

Where did the love go?

I wait for it to return and just as things begin to smooth out,something happens and it's back to "You don't love me!" "Yes I do!" No you Don't!" "You know what?! Fuck this!" -silence-.

God help me.

I see so much is this boy that I consider myself so lucky to even be talking to him. I adore,cherish,and need him like the air I breathe. We've been through so much, but so has my heart. How much more damage can a broken heart take?

It almost healed this summer.

And then he betrayed me once again with the girl he cheated on me with before. All my hard work,all the nights of staying up with him, all the weekends of endless talking,all our plans...they didn't mean a single thing.

He threw love that came straight from the heart away for a make out session with a random girl he claims "Meant nothing".

"If she meant nothing,why did you do it?"

"I don't know."

I never knew heartbreak until I dated him. I've endured mental abuse,physical abuse,cheating,lies,being used...nothing compares to this.

But...

I love him more than anything I've ever known and he makes me the happiest girl in the whole wide world.

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Lyrickx Time:Candles "Hey Monday"

Candles-Hey Monday

The power lines went out
And I am all alone
But I don’t really care at all
Not answering my phone
All the games you played
The promises you made
Couldn’t finish what you started
Only darkness still remains

Lost sight
Couldn’t see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright

Been black and blue before
There’s no need to explain
I am not the jaded kind
Playback’s such a waste
You’re invisible
Invisible to me
My wish is coming true
Erase the memory of your face

Lost sight
Couldn’t see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright

One day
You will wake up
With nothing but “you’re sorrys”
And someday
You will get back
Everything you gave me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright
Dear Logan

Dear Logan,
For all that has happened,all I really have to say is I'm sorry. It may seem like all of this had no effect on me and I was dancing on air singing "La la la I don't care cause I gots me a boyfriend!". Not true. I don't know what to say a lot of the time,so I run away and wait for the problem to solve itself. You're such an AMAZING guy and I'm so sorry that you had to fall for me. I regret that I talked to you; I didn't mean to hurt you. But I have Robbie and he's what I am to you. Everything you said you felt for me,is how I feel towards Robert. You're going to make a girl so happy,you're sweet,caring,faithful,dependable,and everything I had wished for in a guy. But I'm in love,and I don't think I'll ever fall out of love. So even if Robert and I don't last, I'm still gonna be in love with him and wanting him. In my opinion, I'm a waste of effort. I just want to be friends;you're a great friend! You listen and you're always there...but I know you can't do that,and I don't blame you. I hope you at least look back and you can maybe not hate me and we can be friends one day.

Sincerely,
Amberly

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Twenty Twelve?

I've been freaking out about this ever since I watched a stupid video on how the world is going to end December 21st 2012. Not only does science have to point out possible causes,but the Bible clearly states that an end will come.

However,if an end should come, it was supposed to be unexpected.

Mayan Calendar 'Proof'

For the Maya 2012 is the ending of what is known as the Great Cycle. The Great Cycle is a 5,125 year cycle that began at the date 13.0.0.0.0 on the Mayan calendar. Modern day media has tagged this date as "2012 Doomsday"- http://www.2012doomsday.com/

My Opinion- The Mayan calenders were often very short. I'm sure this one just happened to end short and a new cycle does not necessarily mean the end, but a new beginning.

Meteor 'Proof'

There are many aspects of this event that take on apocalyptic meaning. The rain of huge flaming hailstones described in Revelation can easily be imagine to originate from a celestial body breaking up as it penetrates the Earthâ€™s gravity field and creates an array of impact events. The poles shifting as a result of the energetic disruption from the comet and from the reaction of the Sun can also be easily imagined to be a result of the mantle shifting (mentioned in the Bible Code above, as well) and the electromagnetic field of the Earth undergoing a dramatic change. All of these possibilities can be associated with the approach of a massive comet, but the central focus... the most damaging aspect of the 2012 time period seems to be a solar eruption and the resulting CME. ......There is a large, stone-like comet due to approach the Earth around 2012. ---http://www.december212012.com/articles/bible/1.shtml

My Opinion- This has nearly happened before. Who's to say it won't just pass by again?

There is also proof in the Bible, foretelling of destruction and signs of 'the end'...But I think these sings for now are just a coincidence.

However,I do believe that there is a possibility the world could end 2012. God could take it all away anytime he wants,but I do not think that is anytime soon.

But all together,I think this is just a bunch of crap,made up to scare people and they just have the odds in favor of them.

Personaly,I would prefere it didn't end so soon. I,of course,like many others,have hopes and dreams for the future,and it would be very dissapointing to not be able to fufill these wishes. :(
It's too soon.

Friday, 07 August 2009

Class Schedule 2009-2010

Mmmkay,so,this could change and I seriously hope I don't have gym first period. :[[ Or have geometry and then physical science?! Wtfff. And I didn't sign up for a study hall....I'm pissed..

Waaaah! :'(